STILL HIM

Sometimes rationality reaches a state of mind where everything can flow freely and drip out of it as small bewildering clots of confusion. It is not clearly to make out what is true and what is phantasm. It does not matter.

Something gets warmed up, old wounds rip open, far gone situations come to life again. How can you know if he has changed, when your mind keeps it perfect; pain and distance in abstraction, melted into one?

I am confused right now.

I am sitting in front of you, my face controlled, a war in my head.

Under the table my sword is drawn. Your eyes are stable, but your mouth sometimes twitches.

I hope your weapons are of same strength as mine. I hope the fight will be fair.

My fair lady in the grass, what are you dreaming of?

Greater blue, wider horizon? How far have you drifted away?

Still I know that your ears recognise my steps. You sense me.

And I am approaching. I slowly creep towards you.

The more often I look at you, the more confused I get. Every time I face you, your eyes rest on me. It is like getting swallowed deep inside of your gaze and I am not able to stop me from falling.

It is this room, we once created just for the two of us.

It is the space we fill. It is this place far from rationality… far from morality.

But there is no need to get between the borders, to lose steady ground under the feet. There is no need to wander through tender nights. Is it?

And it still fits. Even if the jacket is too big, it keeps me warm.

You always kept an eye on the wind, on an upcoming storm. I still smell the smoke of your cigarette, I can taste it. I will never tell you, how much I actually liked it.

Your hands that were always right. Your touch as sweet as night. You as my darkest days. The ones that bear truth.

I want to see you again and again.   Clandestine behind the window.

When the snow is gone, I will be there.

I feed that amber juice to you.       Slowly you let it drop out again.


from "STAINS - Zwischen Macht und Mitternacht"